🇨🇦+🇺🇸 Trump Is Right - Canada Should Merge With America
11 compelling reasons and 2 major poison pills
Last week, income President Donald Trump and outgoing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau met to discuss the future, and according to the news chatter, when Trump mentioned his planned 25% tariff on Canadian imports, Trudeau said this would kill the Canadian economy.
Trump then joked that Canada should become the 51st state.
(Poor Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia…)
Trump then went on his social media site “Truth” Social and $#it-posted this fabulous piece of troll-bait:
(That mountain, in case you’re wondering, is the Matterhorn in Switzerland. You know, the Toblerone mountain with the bear on it.)
Okay, this article’s a tad tongue-in-cheek.
And full disclosure, I’m an economic refugee who had to flee Canada’s insane house prices and am now happily ensconced in the glorious motherland of both Canada and America: the United Kingdom.
But the reality is that a.) it’s fun to speculate, and b.) honest people are willing to admit there are costs and benefits to everything — after all, even the Nazis inspired the Interstate road system and gave us Volkswagen.
So let’s look at some extremely compelling reasons why Canada should join the United States of America:
1. No more border crossings
20 million Canadians — more than half the country — visit the US each year, waiting for ages in airports and land borders and bridges.
After all, they have Cracker Barrel and Sonic and Disneyland and cheap gas and edible Mexican food.
We have the better half of Niagara Falls, dill pickle chips, and poutine.
Getting rid of the border would save tens of millions of hours of life each year — the equivalent of saving 3,000+ lives.
2. Canadian resources, meet American investment
Canada is resource-rich and investment-poor.
Canada has over 2.2 billion acres of public land that is covered in lumber and stone.
Meanwhile, the US has piles of cash (trillions) and unrivaled industrial and technological prowess.
Housing crisis, over.
Job crisis, over.
Russian and Gulf State oil and gas imports, over.
3. Full price for Canadian goods
At present, Canada suppresses the value of its dollar in order to make its exports attractive to American buyers.
By merging, the loonie (and twonie) would mercifully cease to exist, Canada would be part of the largest economy in the world, and could sell for dollar ($US) dollar to fellow Americans and folks around the world.
Canadian manufacturers would get instantly richer in real terms, having finally received the full value of the new wealth they create for others.
4. No more brain drain
As they say, the most successful Canadians are Americans.
Nearly all successful tech entrepreneurs from Canada move to Silicon Valley.
Same for our athletes.
Same for our best doctors and surgeons.
And don’t get me started on Canadian actors in Hollywood — Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, Jim Carrey, Rachel McAdams, Keanu Reeves, Seth Rogen, the list is endless.
If the two countries merge, no more brain drain.
5. Alberta would love it
Albertans moan constantly about being part of Canada, and honestly, half the country would be delighted to shut them up.
The downside, of course, is that America would happily let Alberta frack and mine and drill itself to death, setting off the largest carbon bomb in human history by draining the ultra-dirty Tar Sands oilfields.
6. More democracy
It seems strange, but if Canada’s provinces and territories became thirteen new American states, they would have states' rights — making them significantly more powerful and in control of their own destiny versus compared to the current Ottawa-dominated model.
PLUS!
We’d get 14.6% of the electoral college seats despite only being 11.5% of the population. That’s a very good deal.
7. Protection from Russia
Canada has what is effectively a 1,200-mile unguarded border with Russia:
And the Russians want the North Pole because it has 90 billion barrels of technically recoverable oil under it. (Read: A resource currently worth $6.3 trillion.)
This is the stuff of geopolitical nightmares.
Bring America to the table and suddenly Canada not only owns the Arctic but has the military bases and nuclear subs to protect it.
8. Protection from China
Goes without saying.
Canada is not a contender in the global AI arms race, so being part of the nation that is could prove the difference between freedom and economic feudalism as artificial intelligence and autonomous robots take over the world.
9. Protection from India
This might seem like a strange one to outsiders, but Canada has an India problem.
Millions of Indians have poured into Canada in the past few years, many under the false pretense of “studying” at one of hundreds of fake educational diploma mills.
Because Canada doesn’t even bother to try to integrate newcomers, the nation is starting to look like India — it’s covered in trash. Take Wasaga Beach, the world’s longest freshwater lake. It’s now virtually unswimmable, because newcomers are, as they do in the Ganges, pooping on the shore (Google it, it’s gross.)
Now that the tide is turning on Canada’s open borders policy, millions of “students” are refusing to go home.
Even worse, the Indian government is likely assassinating Indian-Canadian citizens on Canadian soil.
America has the ability to deal with this sort of nonsense.
10. An escape from winter
Why anyone willingly lives east of the Rockies is beyond me.
-20C and two feet of snow for five months a year, are we even a serious nation?
If Canada joins America, millions more Americans would snowbird below the frost line each winter, leading to way more health and happiness for all those sad, frozen, vitamin-D-deprived Canucks.
11. A chance to be a player on the world stage
At present, Canada is the loft above a really good party.
It’s the baby beaver on the giant elephant’s back.
Merging means Canada’s top talents have a chance to go all the way, to rise the ranks and actually inform American foreign and domestic policy, and to lead in business on the world stage.
The merger would create an opportunity to rewrite the constitution, harmonize some social policies, and give more freedom to the individual states, leading to mutually beneficial reforms.
Remember, we’d get 14.6% of the electoral college seats despite only being 11.5% of the population. Canada could help shape the most powerful nation in the world.
We could introduce them to the glories of hydroelectricity.
And poutine.
We’re definitely not so war-monger-y and/or racist and/or conspiracy theorist-y, so hopefully we could cool them down a bit.
And maybe Canada can help Americans become a bit friendlier, too.
What’s not to love?
These are just a few of the benefits.
A merger would create an unmatched energy superpower.
An unrivaled economy.
An unparalleled defense infrastructure.
A world-class talent pool.
More NBA teams in the north and more NHL teams in the south.
America could ease Canada off the woke pedal.
And we’d be the biggest country on earth by land mass — larger than Russia, France, Spain, Ukraine, and the UK combined.
Why Canadians hate the idea of a US merger
It basically boils down to two things:
Guns
Healthcare
Most Canadians like not having to worry about being shot. They think Americans are utterly demented for letting everyone (including jihadists, the clumsy, and the mentally ill) walk around with lethal weapons.
And most Canadians love being able to not go bankrupt from cancer or a car accident or getting shot by one of those idiots with guns. Canadians genuinely care about having a sensible social safety net.
Sadly, American gun manufacturers and “health”“care” monopolies don’t give a damn and happily lobby-bribe politicians to keep Americans as unsafe and sick as humanly possible without it causing an uprising.
These are genuine poison pills for most Canadians.
That, at the fact that Canada’s entire identity is the smug, holier-than-thou belief that they’re not American.
But relax. Canadians have nothing to worry about…
Why America won’t take over Canada
It’s basic math.
Assuming they didn’t make us like Puerto Rico or Washington DC and actually gave us Congressional representation, Canada would become thirteen states and would get nearly 92 electoral college votes.
Meaning no Republican would ever win an election again, because Canadians are significantly more centrist and slightly-left-of-center compared to America’s wonky bird with two right wings.
Annexing Canada would be one of the worst moves the Republicans could ever make.
Canada is more likely to re-merge with the UK than it is to merge with the US. Values matter, and even though the cultures of Canada and States are incredibly similar, their core values are worlds apart.
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