How to Evade Taxes Like a Billionaire

It's easier than you think

  
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Blame Warren Buffett.

He’s the one who popularized the new tax evasion scheme by which thousands of billionaires are now scamming the public out of hundreds of billions in lost taxation to pay for the civilizations they so happily exploit for profit.

It’s really simple.

I’m going to teach you exactly how you, too, can evade taxes like a billionaire.

Got a pen and paper ready?

Let’s go.


Step One

Find a boring industry. (IE. book retailing, taxi cabs, or holiday rentals.)

Start a corporation that’s a basic middle man broker with zero inventory, but has a super slick app and website. (IE. Amazon, Uber, and Airbnb.)

Take on as much investor money as humanly possible.

Burn that investor cash like a Nazi book rally.

No really, spend that money as fast as you possibly can— specifically, on eviscerating your competition with underpricing, and making your “not employees” into wage slaves. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t making a real profit. That might come later  but only after you’ve put hundreds of thousands of people out of jobs. Get to work.

When you do start to turn a small profit, take on more investor money, and borrow vast amounts of cheap cash from the banks, and use all three money sources to absolutely shatter your competition. Sit back and watch your stock price rise as investors silently realize your company is a scam and get in on the action.

Get your PR machine to convince Millennial addicts on Robinhood that your company’s stock price (but certainly not real profits) can grow infinitely larger forever. (Think: Tesla, which hasn’t made an annual profit in 17 years.)

Once you’ve gained an iron grip monopoly on your industry, start lobby-bribing Congress for tax breaks, labor concessions, anti-competition legislation that favors your business, etc.

Oh, also, buy media assets so you can further undermine democracy.


Step two: Wait, nevermind, you don’t need step one

Don’t bother building another “disruptor” in the Vampire Economy.

You can just buy stock in one of the already-existing money-losing zombie predator corporations.

And never sell it.

Just borrow hyper-cheap debt to fund your lifestyle, backed by your stocks, like all the billionaires do.

That way, you never have any income to tax.

Think about it: If you’re borrowing lifestyle cash at 5%, but your stocks are going up by 10%, you’d be crazy to claim income and pay income tax. So long as debt stays cheap and stock prices rise, you can borrow an unlimited amount of money to upgrade your lifestyle, buy more stock, wash, rinse, repeat. Let the good times roll!

In fact, you should probably buy all that stock on margin.

Gotta boost your alpha, bro.

$1000 leveraged up and re-invested perpetually in Tesla/Uber/Bitcoin/etc ten years ago is now worth $1234567890, remember?


This is Buffet’s fault

Considering how much money death-profiting Warren Buffett has extracted from society, he hasn’t come anywhere close to contributing his fair share to the world.

Over a five year period, Buffett grew his wealth by $24.3 billion but paid just 0.10% tax on it:

Even by “standard” tax accounting ($23.7M / $125M income), he’s paying just 18.9% income tax… far less than the average working family. And he’s evading tax on 95% of his wealth.

Sure, Buffett admits that the tax system needs fixing. But pushing words out of your mouth-hole isn’t nearly enough to create actual equality in society — not when billionaires and their corporations control the very Congress that’s supposed to tax and regulate them.

ProPublica:

“Buffett has famously held onto his stock in the company he founded, Berkshire Hathaway. That has allowed Buffett to largely avoid transforming his wealth into income. Berkshire does not pay a dividend, [which has enabled him to avoid] hundreds of millions in taxes each year.

Many Silicon Valley and infotech companies have emulated Buffett’s model, eschewing stock dividends… companies like Microsoft and Oracle offered shareholders rocketing growth and profits but did not pay dividends. Google, Facebook, Amazon, and Tesla do not pay dividends.”

The end result?

More than half of all American billionaire wealth is now permanently held hostage as unrealized gains — totally untaxable by the public… yet billionaires can borrow cheaply against their wealth to fund their absurdly lavish lifestyles and weaponize their wealth to amass ever more power and control of the global economy.

If we keep on our current trajectory, they’ll own the whole world within our lifetime.


Now it’s Elon Musk’s turn to scam the masses

Elon clearly knows the billionaire tax evasion scheme:

He currently has at least 88 million shares pledged as collateral on personal debts.

Elon also knows $TSLA has become an outrageously and dangerously overpriced story stock.

As the great Concoda puts it:

“I see all-time highs, I take profits.”

Elon knows the end (of the corporatist business cycle) is nigh, and this is a great chance to pay off his personal debts with overpriced stocks.

Elon also knows that we know about the billionaire tax evasion scam:

See what he did there?

Elon’s about to reap $30+ billion in hard cash thanks to his sucker-speculators, and come out looking like the “good guy” for actually paying his taxes — you know, the thing that everyone is supposed to do to keep civilization afloat. What a nice guy.

Elon’s tax bill on all this free money will be a maximum $4 billion — significantly less than you and I pay by percentage. But I’m sure his accountants are working on another tax evasion strategy.

So now billionaires get to play it both ways.


In conclusion

Whether billionaire sycophants like it or not, we clearly need a billionaire wealth tax because elites no longer trigger income tax, dividends tax, and capital gains tax.

Billionaires added more than $5.5 trillion to their net worth during the pandemic — that’s enough to build a $75,000 health/education/house trust fund for every single child in America (all 72 million of them) and still leave billionaires $100 billion richer.

But obviously, corporate-controlled Congress won’t do a thing about tax evasion, because most of them are inside traders anyway.

There’s only one thing to do:

Get the whole nation to evade taxes like a billionaire.

Thousands of meme-stonkers, crypto-speculators, and Robinhood addicts are already doing it:

  1. Buy vast amounts of stock on leverage.

  2. Borrow hyper-cheap debt to fund your lavish lifestyle and buy more stock.

  3. Pray to God the house of cards doesn’t fall apart like it’s done every other time in history.

Yes, if everyone acts like a billionaire the market bubble will hyper-inflate, tax-funded services will disappear, and the nation will collapse. But that’s what’s already happening anyway. Might as well get in on the action.

Welcome to the new global economy.

It’s every man for himself, now.

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